


Forgotten grief and a familiar ghost.

by Lonelywriter13



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Anger, Arthur Morgan Does Not Have Tuberculosis, Arthur Morgan Lives, Bisexual Arthur Morgan, Bisexual John Marston, Bottom John Marston, Despair, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, High Honor Arthur Morgan, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV John Marston, Past Relationship(s), Protective Arthur Morgan, Protective John Marston, Reunions, Top Arthur Morgan, Video Game: Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-01-27 00:30:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21383116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelywriter13/pseuds/Lonelywriter13
Summary: Arthur Morgan is found on that mountain near death by a group of people passing through, hes taken in and nursed back to health in Saint Denis. The whole time he was getting better he couldn't get his mind off of John Marston, so after a few years or so he set out to look for his old friend. Marston on the other hand was dealing with a bickering Uncle and a choice to go see Sadie Adler.
Relationships: John Marston & Arthur Morgan, John Marston/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	1. Old face, New memories.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy, this is my first story and im glad its red dead redemption 2. if all goes well and people enjoy ill have ten chapters put out, im still working on my writing skills and hopefully getting better :) i also wanted to point out that in this fic Arthur Morgan isnt sick he was just beaten up pretty bad.  
////  
Update!! 1/25/20  
Hello all!! Thank you for your support and patience, I’ve been writing nonstop but I’ve been working and moving and such but you will have a chapter and I haven’t left this story to get dusty! :3

John stood there with his arms on his hips, obviously annoyed with what the old man was saying. "you need to go see Sadie!, I cant believe you waited this long!" John just rolled his eyes before pointing to his new run down dream, or at least one he's been trying to accomplish for Abigail and Jack. "i've been a little busy trying to build this shit hole up to get my family back uncle!" The place was a disaster but john was determined to get the women to see that he was serious about changing. Uncle threw his hands up before shaking his head "What if she has money John??, or a job for you to do?..*Hello Mr. Marston, great to see you, here's one thousand big ones!*" John scoffed at the miserable attempt of uncle trying to do a impression of Sadie. "I doubt Sadie would give me one thousand dollars." Uncle just shrugged "you never know! maybe she did real good for herself" John got on his horse. "fine! but i better not come back to you sleepin again uncle!" the rider quickly sped off to Valentine.

John started to think about the old days, all the people who died because of Dutch and his plans, even the word made john feel nervous. Sometimes he thought maybe it was all the groups fault for even following the man, but what choice did most of them have? Shooting people for money, stealing cargo, putting families against each other..that's all most of them knew. Dutch made starting new harder, having to use fake names all the time even now. John thought about Arthur "when the time comes, get yourself outta here." those words seem to echo in his head reminding him why he was able to do all of this, he was given another chance at things and he wasn't going to waste it by getting into trouble again and that's exactly what he was going to tell Sadie. John made it safely to Valentine seeing all the people hurry to get things done and some who were already staggering out of the saloon where Sadie said to meet her, it was weird being in this town again, All those memories of killing half the town and pushing Strauss in that cart, John stopped,wondering if Sadie would recognize him right away seeing that his hair was short (Left parted #4 length, clean shave with stubble.) not that his appearance was that different. "alright girl, to the saloon." he said to his horse. when he made it to the familiar saloon he got off his horse and hitched it before walking up the steps, he situated the hat Arthur gave him on his head before opening both doors and looking around for Sadie.

John noticed Sadie's blonde braid, he walked over to the bar before nudging her slightly "hey!" she squeaked before seeing who was beside her "John Marston!" she hugged him almost making the man topple over "hey Sadie its great to see ya again." "you too, wow you clean up good John, never thought id see ya in short hair" she smiled sitting back in her bar stool with her arm resting on the bar as she looked the mans face over some. John sat down on the stool beside her "well ya know, things change" "here let me get ya a drink Marston" Sadie ordered John a whiskey and her another. "so whats got ya occupied lately?" "well..i took out a loan to buy this old ranch in Blackwater" John said feeling more proud every time he said it. "wow that's somethin" Sadie downed her drink before setting the glass back on the bar "oh, and i recently met up with Uncle, old fool is helping me..so to speak" john sighed downing his whiskey as well. A man who said on the opposite side of Sadie snickered some, John noticed becoming slightly annoyed that a random person was listening in on the conversation the two of them where having. "find somethin funny mister?" Marston stated sternly before standing to confront the man. Sadie noticed John stand up she quickly stopped him "w-well John that's one of the things i wanted to talk to you about.." John looked at Sadie slightly confused on what she meant before seeing the other man stand up, it didn't take long for him to register who it was. "hey Jim Milton.." Arthur smiled some.

John could remember his head hitting something hard, Sadie yelling out his name and slapping him softly on the cheek a few times "Marston!" she sighed before he blacked out again. It felt like a realistic dream, he was young, Dutch was teaching him to read and Arthur was making fun of him..something about water. Dutch told Arthur to get lost. Hosea laughing at them, it was a nice dream..When John woke up he was in a dimly lit room on a somewhat soft bed, he sat up and looked around, that's when he noticed Arthur sitting in a chair across from the foot of the bed "nice of you to wake up." John shook his head "i must not be awake if your here..i must of fallen off my horse on the way to Valentine..yeah" John nodded, this was all a dream and he needed to wake up. "no partner your here i promise." Arthur sighed standing up and putting his old hat on the bed by Johns thigh "i'm surprised you kept it for this long" John frowned looking at the old hat then at the callused hand that set it down before looking up at Arthur's face. "why didn't you write me.." that's all john could muster, he felt fury build inside him along with sorrow. "I didn't know where you were john..even when i did try to write somethin it never sounded right, so i started riding everywhere to find you, even Blackwater..i happened to stop at Valentine when i found Sadie, and she told me that she had wrote you to meet her at the saloon, so i rode with her until you finally came to see her." Arthur sat on the bed by John's feet.

"You sound like your doing well for yourself.." Arthur added "tsk..well for myself.." John sighed "i could be doing better but Abigail left me and took Jack, god knows where.." Marston stood up grabbing Arthur's old hat and satchel. "i need to get back to the ranch." "but we just got to see eachother, after so long jo-" "i don't want to see you right now..i need to think." he said before putting on the two things he grabbed "..right" Arthur nodded. John opened the room door seeing Sadie "now, now Mr. Marston, why don't you lead us to that ranch your so proud of." Sadie pointed the gun to johns chest "really your gonna be that way Sadie" he sighed "..fine.." John said slipping past the women. They all rode silently to the ranch, it was very tense but no one knew what to really say, John thought about everything that has happened. He wanted to hug Arthur and cry, glad that he was alive, but then there was a part of him that wanted to yell and cuss..all that grieving, all those restless nights filled with nightmares of what happened and Arthur's face when he told him to go. "hey were passin through Blackwater, keep your wits Arthur." Sadie said cautiously. John looked around, they were already in Blackwater? how long was he thinking to himself.

John and the others rode past the town before getting back on the open road, he looked over at Arthur wanting to say something, but for the life of him he couldn't get the words out. When the three made it back to the ranch it was dark, Uncle was sleeping by a fire he made which was no surprise to anyone. John got off his horse and kicked uncle in the leg "i thought i said no sleepin old man!" Uncle got up slowly before making it to his feet "its night time John!" "yeah and you sleep all the time!" John sighed before watching Uncle turn, his expression changed from angry to happiness when he saw Sadie and Arthur "A-Arthur?!" Arthur walked over hugging the old man "your alive??" Uncle said hugging Sadie but keeping his eyes on Arthur "yeah..just got really banged up but i'm alive" "that's just a great surprise Arthur". They all sat by the fire before Uncle spoke up "I heard word that Charles is somewhere in Saint Denis!, fightin people for money" Sadie looked to Uncle "is he now?..maybe we should go get the fool" Sadie said standing "why don't you come with me Uncle" Uncle looked up at Sadie who held out a hand for the old man "well thank ya, i'd love to get away from this dump for a little bit" he said getting to his feet with a grunt "no ones makin ya stay here old man.." john mumbled. "we will be right back boys with another hand to help with this place" Sadie got on her horse and Uncle got on his. Before John knew it they were gone and the area was quiet again, getting more and more tense by the second.

"so what did ya do to make Abigail so mad?" Arthur stated through the silence, seeming to cut it like a knife. "..i ah..shot some guy for lookin at me funny.." John sighed pulling apart some hay he found on the ground and throwing it into the fire. "well..i can't say i'm surprised." Arthur laughed "hey!" John sighed before smiling some "that was me bein an idiot, it came back to haunt me when men tried to shoot up me and Jack on the way back from strawberry." Arthur looked at john seeing his expression change from happy to guilt. "our life..what we did..it's comin to an end Arthur..thankfully i took care of em, and Jack wasn't hurt..but..seems like our past still has it's hold on me..no matter what i do i'm pullin my guns out for somethin." John stared at the hot flames in front of him before looking to Arthur. Morgan knew exactly what John meant "we got ourselves into this..although sometimes i think, what choice did we have. It's all we knew and we were good at it." It felt nice, being able to talk to someone who understood what John was going through. "i always thought we would get a ton of money, then go somewhere and live like kings..free from worry." John said thinking of all the people who died for this empty dream Dutch built for not only Arthur and John but for everyone else involved. Arthur could tell John was drowning in his thoughts. "choices were made, granted bad ones..but now, if we can, it's time to make thing right."

Arthur went into a bag of his and pulled out a bottle of gin "want some?" "sure" John watched Arthur drink some before handing the bottle over, john took a swig "i haven't drank in a little while" John said missing it's comfort. Arthur took the bottle back which it was handed to him. "so this is where your house is gonna be huh..gonna have sheep?" "I suppose.." John shrugged "you don't have a plan?" Arthur said slightly surprised but this was john. ".." John cringed, Arthur looked at John's expression "somethin wrong?.." "oh ah..i guess that word kinda bothers me." Arthur thought for a moment on what word Marston was talking about "..the p word?" Plan, a simple word but to John it was a triggering word. "it's stupid, it's just a word..it shouldn't bother me like it does." "well it seemed like whenever Dutch would say it, things would end up going bad one way or another." John nodded "the last time..you.." Arthur listened to john stop "..i'm alive John.." He tried to reassure the younger man. John felt something break inside of him, the hurt in his chest and the lump in his throat, as well as the tears that started to run down his cheeks before he knew it he was a sobbing mess. Arthur looked at the younger man in front of him "..John..now listen John there's no need.." Arthur sighed when nothing he said made John's tears slow "come on now.." Morgan got up walking over to John and sitting beside him before patting Marston's thigh "hush now..i told you i'm alive." John couldn't believe he was crying this hard, almost like a dam broke after years of holding back water. "..alright come here now." Arthur wrapped his left arm around Johns shoulders pulling him close before softly rubbing the others arm. "I thought you were gone forever..i'm such an idiot, i could have stayed and helped you!" Arthur sighed at the words John carelessly spouted "John..i told you to go and you listened there's nothing wrong with that, if you wouldn't of i would have shot ya..damn fool" Arthur teased smiling some before looking at John some who started to slow his crying. "..yknow your hair actually looks nice this way" Arthur moved some of it out of Marston's face.


	2. Unspoken things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that people have enjoyed chapter one and i hope you all feel the same about further chapters! So here's chapter two! :D  
(once again i'm a new writer and i'm still getting the hang of things! :) )

John sat up from Arthur's hold. "Don't go telling people i'm a cry baby now.." Arthur sighed "it's ok to cry from time to time John." Marston wiped his eyes some "i know, i just...anywho..here" Arthur looked at the familiar hat being handed to him "what? don't ya want it?" "I don't need it now since your back" John said before putting the hat on Arthur's head "where it belongs.." Marston smiled, Arthur fixed the hat slightly, keeping his eyes fixed on John who made his way to the other side of the fire, across from Arthur. "hey, do you remember when most of us got really drunk when sean was brought back to camp?" Arthur scoffed "yeah..although i don't remember everything." "do you remember picking a fight with me and i knocked you clean on your ass?" John smirked, Morgan scoffed. "I was drunk, even Uncle could of knocked me on my ass." John rolled his eyes "sure." That familiar silence filled the air before Marston spoke up again "..do you remember much after that?.." Arthur looked up meeting John's gaze making the other man look away quickly. "..listen..John, what we did..we were both drunk and.." Arthurs words seemed to make John feel almost ashamed he brought it up. "you have Abigail and Jack" Morgan looked at John's expressions, unable to read them. 

"..yeah" John nodded before he decided to lay down on the ground "maybe we should get some sleep." Arthur frowned knowing what he said must have hurt John, it was true though, he had Abigail and jack to worry about. "alright.." Arthur laid down as well. Both stared at the glittering night sky in hopes that one of them would say something, eventually John spoke up. "..have you tried to contact Mary?.." Arthur thought about the question that seemed slightly difficult for him to answer right away, Mary Linton..A women that saw the best in people but couldn't see how her father ran her life. Arthur loved her and could never cut the tie that seemed to bond them over these many years. "I tried to write her..she apparently saw in a newspaper that i was killed on that mountain, so she sent my letter back with a note saying she didn't appreciate the joke." John frowned "..I'm sorry Arthur." "she deserved better..and i could never be that..lets..get to sleep." John wanted to say more but he decided against it. After some time of tossing and turning, sleep consumed them both. When morning arrived it filled the air with that familiar country heat. John woke up hearing voices near by. "well morning sleepy head." Sadie laughed. Arthur, Uncle, Sadie and Charles were drinking coffee. "wish you would of woke me sooner." John sighed. Charles got up from being seated and shook hands with a now standing John "great to see you again my friend." John smiled some "you as well".

"i was just telling Arthur here i couldn't believe it when Uncle told me he was alive.." John sat down with the group "yeah..i had some trouble believing it too and he was there with me" Marston made eye contact with Arthur before looking to sadie as she handed him a cup of coffee. After a few hours of catching up Uncle spoke up "I found the man who sells those cut out homes, why don't you and Arthur go pick one out and bring it back?, his name is Albert Esquire" John looked to Arthur again "sure" Morgan said before standing up and going over to his horse. Sadie smiled "Smith, wanna help me tear down that cabin ?" Charles nodded before getting up and following Sadie. "And what will you do Uncle?" John almost knew the answer "observe!" Marston scoffed before walking over to where arthur and his horse was, Morgan handed John his reins, He took them without saying a word to the other man then got on. They both rode off, the whole way there neither of them spoke a word to each other. John felt like it was what they talked about briefly last night that made things awkward. When the two made it into Blackwater they were able to find Albert quickly. "Hello Gentlemen! What brings you in??" "ah..i'm lookin to purchase a house, friend of mine tells me you have em precut." "Yes!" Albert pulled out a large book from under the counter where he stood. "here you are, these are the ones we have to choose from."

John looked at all the houses unsure of which one to pick "..this one?" "Ah yes! a great beauty, all i need from you now is a signature, then some of my boys can help you load up a wagon and hitch your horses to it" Marston signed the papers then they were snatched away from him. Two hours later Arthur and John were on the dirt road back to the ranch. "..aren't ya glad i demanded to use the tools they had?" Arthur knew the man would send them on an adventure to find some so he saw this as a easier solution. John ignored Arthur at first, which only frustrated the man "now listen here John Marston, i don't know what's up your ass but you haven't spoken one word to me" This remark made John stop the horses in their tracks. "maybe i don't feel like talkin." Arthur turned to John "your actin like ah brat, just tell me whats wrong.." Marston didn't know where to start or if any of it was even worth it "it's nothin." Marston hit the reins making the horses move again, Arthur stared at john for a few seconds before facing forward again "..." the trail seemed longer then before, they were both tense, Neither of them spoke so they had yet another quiet trip home. When uncle spotted them he waved some, Charles and Sadie had successfully tore the cabin down and cleaned up the after math. "where'd Sadie go?" John said looking around some from his seat "she had a bounty to take care of" Charles said walking to the back of the wagon. Uncle looked at the wood the two brought back "mighty fine indeed." Arthur got off the wagon and walked to the back, John followed but he was greeted with a tool bucket being thrusted into his arms "ill have you help me get these out Charles" Arthur stated plainly, John sighed walking to where the house would be.

It took a little over a week to finish the home fully, it was a long stressful time. John was finishing the last beam on the porch when he stepped back and admired the home "finally.." he sighed happily. Arthur was cleaning up the rest of the trash scattered across the ranch when Uncle called the two over "I got a few crates of whiskey from town!,..don't ask how." Uncle handed Charles a bottle. Arthur grabbed two before handing one to john, They all sat down with a sigh of relief. "it looks mighty fine John." Charles smiled "thanks for all your help, without you guys i would still be working on the floor plans" Arthur drank half of his bottle not saying much, when he did speak up it was something he had been pestering John about "you need to write Abigail John.." "I will, we just got the damn house built..can't you stop reminding me?" John sighed drinking more of his whiskey. "i'm just saying, i'm sure she would like to hurry to a nice home.." "Stop pushing me Arthur." Arthur looked to Uncle and Charles, they could tell how progressively snappy John had gotten and most of it was pointed towards Arthur. "what's your fuckin problem Marston." "I don't have a problem, Morgan." Uncle frowned "cmon stop fightin ladies, it's gettin late we shou-" "i'm goin to the saloon." John threw his empty bottle down before going to his horse. Arthur got up and grabbed another bottle, watching John storm off before sitting back down. "what's eatin him?" Uncle said confused. "he's just bein an asshole Uncle." Arthur sighed hearing John's horse gallop away from the ranch. 

Arthur tried to go against his best judgement, he did good for about an hour before he started to get a little worried about John being by himself, and possibly drunk too, not only that but it was getting dark now. "..im goin to find him." "good idea, yknow how John gets when he's drunk" Uncle sighed. Arthur went over to his horse, getting on before riding off. Morgan couldn't stop the thoughts racing in his head the whole ride there, he felt bad for how he seemed to ignore what John wanted to talk to him about, how Marston wanted to figure out the whole situation but Arthur wouldn't let him. Playing it back in his head he knew how much of an asshole he must of sounded. When Morgan made it into town it was quiet, he made his way to the saloon hoping to see John exactly where he said he would be. Marston was slouched over the bar, everything was getting to him, stressing him out. He felt like he was having a harder time ignoring things lately, Abigail was a big part and he still wasn't the father he wanted to be to Jack, then there was Arthur. Thing's were suppose to be different, happier, not filled with anger and regret. "want another pal?" John looked up at the bar tender "no, he doesn't." Arthur stopped the man before he poured the bottle and before John could even answer. "great.." John sighed, the bar tender quickly walked away after Arthur let go of his wrist. Morgan sat down next to John "so your gonna tell me how to spend my money too now?" Arthur looked at John more worried the angry, John looked at Arthur feeling slightly bad. ".." "i'm not here to tell you what to do John..i.." Morgan looked away to gather his thoughts for a second before looking back to Marston "i know why your upset..why you've been giving me so much shit this past week, but i'm tellin you now, we were drunk..and for you hold on to something that we both barely reme-" "I wasn't even that drunk Arthur." John admitted before asking for a shot of something strong.

"..you weren't?.." "No..but i should have stopped myself, knowing how you treat the people you sleep with." John was handed the shot, he quickly downed it before standing and pointing Arthur out to the bar tender "he'll pay for that one" Marston then patted Morgan's shoulder before stumbling out of the saloon. Arthur felt his blood boil from the remark, he paid for the shot before following John "and what the hell's that suppose to mean." Arthur stomped down the saloon steps going over to John who was busy unhitching his horse "you know what it means.." Marston went to get on his horse when he felt something roughly grab his left arm "you better make yourself clear" Arthur had a healthy grip on john. "get your hand off me!" John glared, Arthur glared right back. "your being stupid about this whole thing!" Morgans voice boomed "I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!...i-i was just something different until mary called you back like a lost puppy!" John struggled to get his drunken words out. Nothing John said was making sense to Arthur "you need to think before opening your mouth, as hard as that may be for you." Arthur knew John was drunk but it didn't make what he said ok. John harshly pushed Arthur's hand off his arm making Marston almost stumble backwards. "y-you shouldn't of come back..you should of just went to Mary!..s-she's more of your type..needy, easy" John slurred before feeling a sharp pain against his jaw, then the cold went mud on his knees. "..your a piece of work John Marston.." Arthur glared rubbing his right hand some.

"i don't know why i thought talking to you about it would solve anything..especially when your drunk." John kept his mouth shut listening to Arthur as he softly rubbed his jaw, Morgan got on his horse "hurry up and get your drunk ass home.." With that Arthur rode away. John slowly got to his feet "wow what a fight" a man said walking down the saloon steps, John didn't say anything not knowing who the man was. "hey..aren't you John Marston?" John looked to the man when he finally got on his horse "..who wants to know" Marston hissed feeling the pain his jaw radiated. "oh just a friend of a friend, maybe we'll run into each other when your less shitfaced..too easy this way." The man laughed before getting onto his own horse "oh! another thing..where's about you stayin boy?" John looked at the man drunkly, "..Beecher's Hope.." The man nodded before tilting his hat and riding away. Marston wasn't sure what just happened but he ignored it for now slowly making his way back to the ranch. By the time John finally made it home, everyone was asleep. Marston's horse walked over it's hitching spot by a big tree before John slipped off falling to the hard ground, he groaned but moved to where he was laying on his back before passing out. 

"..Wake up idiot.." Arthur said before nudging John with his foot "mh..let me sleep fool.." Marston had the worst headache. Arthur didn't find John's answer satisfying so he grabbed the man up, putting him over his shoulder. Morgan walked John over to the livestock pin and opened the gate, this made John wake up some "what are you doin.." he struggled some feeling sick to his stomach but that was the least of his worries. One swift movement and arthur dropped John into the wooden trough filled with cold water. John struggled slightly before reaching the dry dirty ground. "what the hell is wrong with you!!" The mans face turned red with anger. Uncle walked out of the back of the barn trying to figure out what the commotion was when he saw John all he could do was laugh. Marston glared at the two who seemed to find his anger amusing, that's when Charles rushed over to the three "she's back, Jack too!" It didn't take long for John to get to his feet rushing after Charles. Arthur felt a pit in his stomach as his smile disappeared "..". Abigail admired the outside of the new house before spotting a soaked and dirty John. "..it's.." Abigail listened to the other start to speak "..it's good to see you Abigail..Jack.." he smiled some making Abigail smile, she wanted to hug him but she stopped "wow, your a sight" she laughed. "ah..yeah, thanks to Arthur." Marston saw Abigails eyes go wide "..i..i'm sorry i didn't get around to writing you..to tell you.." Arthur walked over trailing Uncle slowly before making eye contact with Abigail. 

Jack looked to his parents confused, He was told Arthur had died, so how was he here. Abigail rushed to Arthur hugging him tightly "oh..its so good to see you" She cried, not bothering to question how he was alive. John felt something struggle inside him, Jack looked to his father "it's a real nice house Pa." Marston looked to jack then smiled some "yeah, i think so too, why don't you take you and your Ma's things inside and take ah gander." Jack nodded calling Rufus ,the new dog, to follow him. John looked back before making eye contact with Arthur, The stare seemed to last hours but it was only a matter of seconds, and John was the one who broke it by walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and hope you look for chapter three that will be out as soon as i can! :)   
edit: i'm going to make chapter three longer then the other two so it will take just alittle longer to finish thank you for your patience :3


	3. Leavin Home

Abigail decided to run into town before getting comfortable, she wanted to get some meat and a few other things to make dinner. When she got back she set her supplies down before searching for John. Marston had gotten cleaned up and into a change of clothes which consisted of a black button up shirt, that was slightly unbuttoned at the stop with the sleeves rolled up and a decent pair of black pants. Abigail knocked at the bedroom door before walking in, John was getting his boots on "its weird to have a room with a door" "i agree" John smiled. "hey..whats that mark from?" Agial walked over softly touching the sore on Johns face "i'm not exactly sure but i think Arthur punched me" "well serves you right" Abigail sighed "you probably pissed him off somehow" "obviously" "you need to stop drinkin so much." Abigail crossed her arms. "i'm not drinkin as much as i used to Abigail." "ill believe it when i see it John Marston..i'm goin to work on dinner, why don't ya help me some." "alright" John got up and followed the women to the kitchen area, he watched Abigail start to prepare things. He admired her some leaning against the kitchen walk way, Abigail noticed and smiled some "whatcha lookin at" "a lovely lady" John smiled before walking over to her pulling her close by the waist "it's so nice here John..". Arthur walked up to the porch seeing uncle and Jack, they were talking about the books Jack reads. "oh there he is!, how's the chores comin along?" Uncle smiled, Arthur looked the older man over some before looking to Jack and smiling.

"whatcha readin there boy?" Jack looked up from his book "king Arthur and the knights of the round table.." "they got your name in here Arthur!, although your more king of cow patties" Uncle laughed, Arthur rolled his "keep readin kid, don't want to turn out like that." Uncle huffed "what an awful thing to say Morgan" Jack laughed some before going back to his book. Arthur walked into the house, going past the short entrance way before noticing John and Abigail kissing in the kitchen. ".." He only stared for a split second before going to the room he was staying in. Why did that have to bother him so much?. John smiled in the kiss before pulling away some "i'm gonna go tell the boy to clean up for dinner" she nodded smiling before going back to her work. Dinner was quiet except for the thundering rain outside, some would speak up and say something but then it would get quiet again, John kept his eyes on everyone except for Arthur and Morgan noticed this. As everyone talked to each other Arthur remained quiet, pulling out a cigarette softly tapping it on the table a few times before he heard his name. "And i hope you'll stay too Arthur." Abigail smiled, Arthur looked to the women before looking at Marston who kept his eyes on his food. "that's very kind of ya" Morgan struck a match on his boot before lighting the cigarette between his lips, keeping his eyes on John. Marston could feel holes being stared through him, Arthur stood "excuse me." The man walked out of the house feeling slightly annoyed, He walked to the side of the house sitting on the bench that was there, playing what he remembered of that drunken night in his head.

Arthur quietly inhaled the the cigarette before he exhaled the deadly smoke into the cool rainy air, That's when charles walked over before pointing to the other side of the bench "may i?" "..sure" Arthur nodded. "...yknow that was quite a stare you were giving John." ".." Arthur looked to charles "..if you need to talk about something you can trust in me Arthur." Morgan looked the man over before sighing "..John and I..well we've done things together..and now were trying to somehow put all the pieces together..i worry..w..What about Abigail and Jack" Charles nodded "..your worries are real and have very real consequences..your choices..are your own, but ignoring this will be a challenge" ".." Arthur nodded before looking to the field in front of him "i know you'll choose wrong at first but i trust you'll figure it out." Charles stood "I need to ride into town, i should be back later" he smiled some "thank you charles.." "..of course Arthur". Abigail was washing dishes before she would hand them to John to dry. "i'm headin to bed now, night Ma, Pa." Jack said before walking to his room. "night dear!" Abigail said before John set down a dish "i think i'm gonna do one last round of the barn before hittin the hay too." "alright dear, make sure to close the doors tight, it's stormin pretty hard." Marston nodded walking over to his jacket hanging by the door before walking outside. Arthur heard familiar foot steps walk away from the house, this made him get up and peek around the corner of the house seeing John walking into the barn, He followed quietly before making it to the doors. John stood petting his cow's head "good girl" He went to pick up a milk bucket when Arthur opened the door, this startled John. ".." "ah..didn't mean to scare ya."

"..you didn't" John lied before going to pick up the milk and leave "can we talk?..please" Marston looked to Arthur "..ok" they both sat on two bails of hay. "..so..ah" Arthur sighed finding it hard to speak "..if this is about last night.." John muttered "this is about everything.." Arthur said looking at his hands, not able to look at John. Marston could tell Arthur was searching for his words "..could..i say something first.." Morgan looked up. "..I've thought about this, i'm sure as much as you have..i'm not sure what i said that made you hit me..but i apologize..but i don't agree with trying to avoid what we did.." "i felt like if i told you that i remembered that night that it would give you some sort of false hope that we could be together..as much..as i.." Arthur sighed. That night, John helped Arthur up from the ground after winning the fist fight between them. Morgan walked on the outskirts of camp with John, talking about anything and everything, They were both more then slightly tipsy but not enough to not remember. John went to walk backwards before slipping on a tree root, this made Arthur attempt to grab him making them both fall. All it took was John's laugh then a silent pause for them to kiss, after that Arthur couldn't stop himself and John didn't want him to. When they wandered back into camp they found that dutch was looking for them, Arthur made up a story that he wandered outside of camp and John followed but they both passed out before they found each other. 

John looked at Arthur "i just..worry about-" "Abigail and Jack.." Marston finished. "if we left she wouldn't stand a chance out here on her own..you know she would get fired up with uncle and make him leave, and Charles goes his own path.." John knew Arthur was right, Abigail was strong but anything could happen. "..there's no winning for us John." Marston felt a sudden bit of anger course through him. "Dammit Arthur!" Marston walked away some turning away from Arthur "why do you see us in such a hopeless way??" "Because i'm the only one thinking rationally about this!" Arthur stood. "then what do you think we should do about this?!, pretend like it didn't happen like we did before!" John turned to Arthur "...I..i'm tired of pretending Arthur.." ".." Arthur looked at John feeling how hurt John was, in that moment he wanted to hug the man and tell him it would be fine, but that wasn't something Arthur could promise. "i've made up my mind Arthur..against my best judgement or not.." "..i can't, its too late John..and it has been for a while." John felt something pull at his heart strings "so..so what your just gonna ignore me everyday?.." "no..i'm..i'm leaving John" Arthur said putting his hands on his waist looking away. Marston went to say something but bit his lip "..l-leave then" John grabbed the bucket of milk and stormed out. Arthur stood in place for a moment before going after John. "hey!" Arthur yelled ".." John kept walking ignoring him "John please!" Arthur rushed over grabbing Johns arm making the bucket fall "let go!" John pulled away, pain in his voice and tears streaming down his face "i said leave!" Arthur flinched. "t-that's what you want! so why are you comin after me for?!" John's voice cracked.

Arthur watched John pick the bucket up ".." he wanted to help the other but all he's seemed to do is make more damage. "just leave..b-before i shoot ya.." John's warnings were empty but Morgan went to his horse before reluctantly riding off without another word. John crumbled to the ground crying, unable to catch his breath. Arthur rode hard trying to get away as fast as he could, feeling more of an idiot then ever, he didn't even notice passing Charles on the road. Everything happened quickly after that, Charles made it to the ranch and helped John up from the ground before taking him to the barn to calm him down, not wanting to alarm those who were unknown of the situation. "..lets get to bed ok John?" John nodded feeling out of it, his eyes red and slightly puffy "..thank you Charles.." They walked back to the house before going inside. Marston went to his room taking off his very wet clothes and changed into night clothes. He got into the warm bed feeling at least some comfort before Abigail put her arm around him "mh..goodnight.." she mumbled still half asleep "..night.." he softly rubbed her arm before feeling himself drift to sleep. even dreams didn't give John solace, That night on the mountain, Arthur telling John to leave over and over. 'I don't want to leave you!' John could feel his feet forcing him to turn and run, then it would start over again. 'don't make me leave you! please!' 'be a man!' Arthur yelled, John reached for Morgans arm unable to touch him 'Arthur! please! n-' "no!" John sat up in bed breathing deeply. Abigail was getting dressed when she jumped from John yelling "John?!" she said worried as she rushed over "..the nightmares again?.." she frowned.

John sighed laying back in bed "..i'm sorry to startle you Abigail." "don't be sorry John." She sat on the bed worried, "why don't you get dressed, Uncle wanted to go to Saint Denis..maybe the fresh air will do you good." John got up walking over to the dresser before getting dressed in a red button up and black suspenders along with black pants. When he got his boots on he walked outside before seeing Uncle who was struggling to get on his horse "about time! i've been waitin out here forever!" "sorry Uncle" John unhitched his horse before getting on "well i done got everything packed with Charles help while you were in there snoozin" John didn't say anything instead he just followed Uncle out of the ranch quietly. They rode past blackwater, John looked around seeing if he saw Arthur which he didn't, he frowned before pushing on trying not to remember the hasty events of last night. Uncle noticed how quiet John was being, he looked back before turning forward again "doin ok John??" "yeah Uncle just tired" John lied. By the time they passed Dewberry Creek it was night time again, Uncle stopped his horse and John did the same "Let's set up camp for now" They both dismounted and got busy making a camp. John got a fire started while uncle rolled out blankets, when the fire was big enough Marston decided to cook them some rabbit.

".." John watched the meat start to cook when he noticed Uncle staring at him "what.." "something off about you Marston, whats got ya worried" "..i'm not sure how to answer that Uncle." "..y'know i noticed Arthur's horse wasn't tied up this morning, did he tell ya where he was goin?" "..no" John muttered pulling some rabbit off before standing and handing it to Uncle then sitting back down. "..you can talk to me y'know, all this hard outlaw persona doesn't apply when your as old as me." John felt a little less tense "..thanks Uncle". As the night dragged on John tried his best not to sleep, he didn't want to dream, Uncle's snores seemed to help making sleeping impossible anyway. Marston sighed rolling on his back ".." he tried to busy his mind but his eyelids started to get heavy and before he knew it he was asleep. The nightmares didn't start right away, but when they did show up John couldn't wake up. Marston was sitting in a forest, a sharp pain in his left shoulder, the smell of gunsmoke. John looked around, 'Uncle?!..Arthur!' he yelled out trying to stand, that's when he noticed roots were wrapped around his legs 'agh!' he struggled as the roots started to pull him into the soft soil, before John knew it he was hip deep in the ground and quickly going further 'Arthur!!' Marston tried to claw his way out but wasn't successful, he felt the dirt putting weight on his chest, he then started to feel it cover his neck 'ARTHUR!!' John was consumed by the earth, that's when Uncle woke him up "John!" Marston jumped quickly backing up, breathing deep "..John?.." Uncle frowned.

Marston looked around some ".." it was day light "..sorry i.." "we..should get goin John" Uncle said worried about the younger man "yeah.." John nodded before rubbing his eyes, the nightmares seemed to get worse when Arthur was gone, maybe John was losing it. When they reached Saint Denis, it was busy as usual. John hated Saint Denis, too many bad memories, but what place wasn't filled with those. Uncle took John to once of the general stores over by the pier. The shop hand saw the two men and yelled for the shop owner "Patron des hommes ici!", the owner walked out a few moments later "Welcome fellas!" john walked around looking at some of the wares while Uncle talked about what they came for which was really 56good tobacco. Marston decided to go back outside a smoke, trying to calm his nerves "..." he looked around seeing a lot of nicely dressed people. John blew smoke out of his mouth, when it cleared he noticed a familiar face "..mary?" The women was looking at the ground, almost like she lost something, John decided to walk over to her "..Mary Linton?" The women looked up "John Marston??" She smiled "oh i haven't seen you in such a long time" "yeah..it's been a while..did you lose somethin?" "oh yes, one of my earrings" She sighed "i'm a hopeless, always losin somethin or gettin into trouble." John looked around the ground some "well lets look around" he smiled. As they walked Mary noticed something sparkling in the dirt "ah!" she rushed over and picked it up "see not that hopeless." John said looking the earring over some.

"thank you for helping me..could i bother you for a small stroll?" Mary said worried she was bothering John, Marston thought for a second before nodding "..how are you?" Mary asked before looking at John again "..i'm here" "..i knew you two were close.." Linton added before looking at some people pass by "..i miss him too" she admitted "he was a good man and i should have told him that more.." John seemed to get a little frustrated, if this lady would have looked into it more she would have known Arthur was alive, but John played along "he was too good for us..i should get back to Uncle.." John went to walk away but Mary softly grabbed his arm, throwing him off "..m-maybe i will see you again." John looked the women over before noticing a wedding band on her finger "..yeah..see ya mary.." Marston softly pulled away before getting back to Uncle. "hey where were you?" Uncle questioned "..ran into Mary Linton, although it may not be Linton anymore.." he sighed grabbing one of the bags of tobacco, As they were walking back to the horses they noticed Sadie "hey you two!" she smiled "ya'll headin back to Blackwater?" "wanna ride back with us?" Uncle said smiling, John put the bags on his horse before unhitching it "sure! hey why don't we stop for a drink, my treat!" The two agreed and they all rode off to make it to black water, they didn't stop for camp this time deciding to push through it and relax when they got to town.

When they got to the Blackwater saloon they walked in, busy as usual. "agh, i'm pooped" Uncle sighed sitting down. Sadie walked to the bar getting a bottle of whiskey and three glasses before walking back "here ya are boys..now hows everyone doin?" "well..Abigail and Jack are back" "oh that's great!" Sadie poured a glass for herself then handed the bottle to Uncle who did the same before passing it to John, He knew he shouldn't be drinking but he really wanted the edge off so he gave in pouring himself a glass. "So then he says, did you shoot me in the ass?!" Sadie laughed leaning on uncle who almost choked laughing "he didn't even know!!, but i got a good pay for em!" Sadie smiled "you should help me sometime John! it pays good" John nodded before Uncle and Sadie started to talk about something else. ".." Marston poured himself another glass, if he was gonna drink now then he planned on getting really drunk. As the night went on, sadie seemed to be the only soberish one "come on you fools we need to get home" she sighed having John leaned on her and uncle stumbling in front of her. When they made it outside a man was petting John's horse "hey!, that's my horse!" John slurred "hah! i knew you three were still up and runnin" "im sorry but do i know you sir?" Sadie glared as uncle got on his horse quicker then he would sober. "yeah..well actually more like you know my boss" John looked the man over annoyed "how about you move partner.." "John settle..listen sir we're just tryin to leave, so if you'll excuse us" Sadie helped Marston on his horse before getting on her own "come on boys lets get back before Abigail throws a cow" the two men followed as close as they could, trailing off now and then.

The man seemed to follow and sadie noticed at times, she would turn and he would hide ".." she glared speeding up "ah! sadie i cant ride that fast right now! Lumbago!" After some time of riding Sadie didn't notice the man anymore. When they made it back to camp sadie walked into the house with the two men stumbling behind her "get both of your asses to bed" she sighed knowing this was half her fault for treating them to drinks. Abigail waited up she was in the living room sitting in a chair with her arms crossed"welcome back, i see you got a couple of drunk men" Sadie sighed "yeah" John went to the wrong bedroom having ended up in Arthurs old room ".." he laid down on the bed feeling at ease, the smell was a familiar one, cigarettes and sandalwood type of smell that John found comforting. He eventually passed out, the dreams that followed were surprisingly good, He was in a field with yellowing skys. The breeze was warming but not too hot, John laid on his back looking at the sky before noticing someone next to him 'John' Arthurs voice was soothing, that's when Marston woke up to Abigail standing by the bed "..sleep good?" she sighed.

Arthur rode into Saint Denis, he knew there was a chance Mary was here and he needed to talk to her. Morgan had camped outside of Blackwater near the upper Montana river, he wanted to be in his bed at the ranch but he knew that wouldn't be possible right now. Arthur made it to the hotel were he met Mary before hoping she would be there. He hitched his horse then walked into the nice hotel, he made his way to the counter before thinking of what to say without sounding like some creep "..i'm lookin for Mary Linton, she told me to me to meet her here" "oh of course, Mrs. Linton is out shopping at the tailor but shou-" "Arthur?.." Morgan jumped slightly before turning "..Mary".

**Author's Note:**

> Edit!: Thank you all so much for your support!


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